“You occasionally sneak out after they’re asleep—with a babysitter, of course—and you don’t want to be overheard on the phone, or caught necking on the couch.” St. John said she didn’t introduce her own kids to men until she was confident he was “safe,” and they’d been together long enough for her to know things were getting serious. “Our kids need to see us enjoying ourselves, getting out there, and creating a new life, just so long as they understand that their place is safe and secure in it,” Good says. “From a young age, my girls knew if I was going on a date, and whether or not I would start seeing him again.”
“Take it with a grain of salt, and trust your instincts.” As you well know, children are a curious bunch. Depending on their age, acting secretive may only bring more questions. There’s no reason to hide the fact that you’ve decided to start dating, according to Lanae St.John, a certified sex coach whose work includes counseling parents on sex ed. “Be upfront,” she says, and consider using it as a teachable moment with older kids.
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Once you understand each other’s values, you theoretically have the “why” behind each other’s financial decisions. Experts suggest checking each other’s credit, getting an overview of debts and assets, and being frank about spending patterns. The topic of finances is often an emotional, touchy subject—especially for those of us who have experienced debt, foreclosure, or other financially precarious situations. It can bristle the “unbristleable” and create waves of anxiety and stress. It can set off alarm bells and trauma responses. Solo Moms are used to carrying the load.
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